oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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