Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
