my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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