You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
