i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
