threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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