I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
