ya dads aren't the best wingmen
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
