Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
