And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
