nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
