my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
