Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
