I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
