The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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