I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
