A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
