They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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