Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
