He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
