this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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