she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
