Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
