Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
