i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
