doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
