he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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