Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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