I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
