Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
