Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
