My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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