when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
