Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
