I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
