how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Holy sore nipples Batman
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
