call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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