So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
