I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
