I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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