k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
