So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
