3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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