Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
