Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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