giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
