Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
