If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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