Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
