if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
