Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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