i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
