If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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